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Post by Harvestgoddess on Dec 22, 2006 20:45:42 GMT
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!"
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."
The man sighs and says, "It's started..."
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Post by Harvestgoddess on Dec 22, 2006 20:47:05 GMT
A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said; "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.
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Post by carrickmac on Dec 23, 2006 2:56:29 GMT
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Post by pinkprincess on Dec 23, 2006 11:29:05 GMT
After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"
"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well, f**k him," said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
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Post by stacey on Dec 23, 2006 12:45:00 GMT
England manager Steve McClaren wanted to bring in some new faces after the world cup shame. Wayne Rooney asked if he could have one  |
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Post by Harvestgoddess on Dec 23, 2006 15:01:40 GMT
;D I LOVED those thanks guys LOL cant stand wayne rooney  |
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Post by pinkprincess on Dec 23, 2006 16:08:08 GMT
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the idiot who pushed me in the pool!"
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princesszelda
Junior Member 
Dogs rule. Catz rule. 50/50.
Posts: 79
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Post by princesszelda on Dec 23, 2006 18:49:32 GMT
Ok i know this is really sly and maybe offensive to blondes so if you cant take it please dont read it. Ban me if you want coz of offense.... But...
If you gace a blonde money for being bright you`d get change back hehe
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Post by Harvestgoddess on Dec 23, 2006 19:26:50 GMT
Ok i know this is really sly and maybe offensive to blondes so if you cant take it please dont read it. Ban me if you want coz of offense.... But... If you gace a blonde money for being bright you`d get change back hehe  Never mind banned your grounded young lady and xmas is now canceled for you at least |
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Post by Harvestgoddess on Dec 24, 2006 11:49:30 GMT
Q. What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
A. Silent Night
Q. What do elves learn at school?
A. The Elf-abet
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes
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*~faker 1127~*{=}http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k46/Bluebellberries/Talkative.gif{/=}