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Jokes
Sept 5, 2006 16:25:56 GMT
Post by tillybud on Sept 5, 2006 16:25:56 GMT
A man wearing y-fronts is stood in the middle of a fancy dress party.
A woman walks up to him and asks what he's dressed up as:
"I'm here as a premature ejaculation" he claims proudly "as you can see, i've just come in my pants!"
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Angie
Deity 
Faker 32
Posts: 768
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Jokes
Sept 5, 2006 18:24:50 GMT
Post by Angie on Sept 5, 2006 18:24:50 GMT
you need to do this its FUNNY!!! The real meaning of failure!! 1. Go to www.google.com 2. Type in Failure 3. Look at the first listing that comes up 4. Tell other people before Google fixes it !!  |
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2006 20:57:01 GMT
Post by bubblegum32 on Sept 6, 2006 20:57:01 GMT
HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN THINKS AUSTRALIAN
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, a Fosters, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no.
He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.
Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that if she pays him some more attention then maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him again, so she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her: "Melbourne".
"So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he replies.
"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?" "Cameo Street" he replies.
"This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?". He says "Number 20" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"
HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN THINKS AUSTRALIAN!
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6alives
Full Member  [I
Life just overwhelms me!!
Posts: 134
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Jokes
Sept 8, 2006 15:21:20 GMT
Post by 6alives on Sept 8, 2006 15:21:20 GMT
HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN THINKS AUSTRALIAN An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, a Fosters, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other. At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that if she pays him some more attention then maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him again, so she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her: "Melbourne". "So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he replies. "That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?" "Cameo Street" he replies. "This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?". He says "Number 20" and she is totally astonished. "You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22! My parents still live there!" "I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you" HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN THINKS AUSTRALIAN! LOL!!! |
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Angie
Deity
Faker 32
Posts: 768
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Jokes
Sept 9, 2006 11:20:19 GMT
Post by Angie on Sept 9, 2006 11:20:19 GMT
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.
"Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."
"Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam.
God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?"
"Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."
"Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam.
God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?"
"Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve."
"Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam.
God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.
A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
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Angie
Deity
Faker 32
Posts: 768
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Jokes
Sept 9, 2006 11:23:22 GMT
Post by Angie on Sept 9, 2006 11:23:22 GMT
In the beginning, the plan for a divine human design was painstakingly implemented.
"The nerve endings," said St. Peter, "how many will I put in her hands?"
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Two hundred, O Mighty One."
"Then we shall do the same for the woman."
"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals, O Mightiest?"
"How many did we put in Adam?"
"Four hundred twenty, O Mighty One."
"Oh yeah, now I remember, we wanted Adam to have a little fun procreating, didn't we? Do the same for woman."
"Yes, O Great Lord."
"Wait! Hold it, Pete, Give her ten thousand, it'd be a hoot to hear her scream out my name..."
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Angie
Deity
Faker 32
Posts: 768
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Jokes
Sept 9, 2006 11:24:49 GMT
Post by Angie on Sept 9, 2006 11:24:49 GMT
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.
There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question ncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"
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Jokes
Sept 9, 2006 11:25:42 GMT
Post by silenthill on Sept 9, 2006 11:25:42 GMT
Some good ones there hotscotch  |
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Angie
Deity
Faker 32
Posts: 768
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Jokes
Sept 9, 2006 11:41:02 GMT
Post by Angie on Sept 9, 2006 11:41:02 GMT
got loads of rude ones but don't know if I can post them on here  |
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Jokes
Sept 9, 2006 11:45:13 GMT
Post by silenthill on Sept 9, 2006 11:45:13 GMT
got loads of rude ones but don't know if I can post them on here You'd have to ask DT. |
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