Fakers joke thread

[Harvestgoddess]

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

A. So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe

Christmas Cake Recipe
You'll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.

[juliejuliejulie]

stupid joke i got in text today lol

If you put a joke book in your gravy would you end up with a laughing stock?

yes very poor i know lol

[battybetty]

**Doh! I don't care if it is childish...It makes me feel nostalgic! Im off to put my hair in pigtails!**

[battybetty]

Arrghhhhh!


You will laugh I tell you, you will...!! Look into the eyes, not around the eyes...

Bah!...I give up!

[pinkprincess]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[carrickmac]

A baby penguin walks into a bar,the barman says what can i do for you,the baby penguin says have you seen my dad,the barman says what does he look like

[pinkprincess]

It was a starry night and the snowflakes drifted down gently.
The snowcrust sparkled in the lamplight at the North Pole.
Sleigh bells jingled in the distance. It was supposed to be a
happy time, but it wasn't.

Santa was really p****d off. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING
was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas
cookies. The elves were bitching about not getting paid for the
overtime they had put in while making toys. And to top it all
off, the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were
completely useless. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin
earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one
of the runners. They were still stumbling around outside,
giggling and shaking their sleigh bells. Santa was redder than
usual with anger. He drank another slug of scotch, and then
bellowed, "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of
presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all
my reindeer are drunk, my elves are on strike and I don't even
have a Christmas tree! AND I sent that stupid little angel out
HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What the
HELL am I going to do?"

Just at that moment, the little angel opened the front door and
stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree
behind him. He said, "Yo, Santa, where do you want me to stick
the Christmas Tree this year?" And thus the tradition of angels
perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass.

[carrickmac]

;D..Have you ever wondered how sheep cure insomnia click to find out newfunpages.com/countingsheep.php3

[odm]

[odm]